Monday, June 17, 2024

Comics Are Soap Operas With Worse Relationships.

October 24, 2020 by  
Filed under Comics, Mainstream Comics (Marvel/DC), News

( Comics offer some of everything for everyone. If you enjoy sci-fi, there are comics for that. Do you like fantasy or romance? You can find comics that feature both of those. Obviously, if you enjoy superheroes you could throw a rock and hit a superhero comic. The medium delivers all of this and in the West, you even get a good dose of soap opera drama.

Now, it would probably be difficult to recommend comics to most people by saying they’re soap operas in page form. At one time, some wrestling fans took offense to it being described as “soap operas in spandex” and “soap operas with athleticism mixed in.”

There’s some odd stigma about soaps which probably come from the high drama and unbelievable storylines. However, comic book series are chockful of soap high drama. Here are five instances.

The Cyclops-Jean Grey Romance from the X-Men

How long did this go on? Scott Summers loves Jean Grey, she loves him—but he can be distant. It can be difficult for him to express that and that’s an issue. Despite that, she sticks with him and shows patience. Oh no, Jean dies and Cyclops marries her clone Madelyne Pryor. Guess what? They even have a kid who becomes Cable in the future.

Jean’s back! Scott Summers dumps her to get back with his Phoenix Force bae and—you know what? Far too much happened with Cyclops and he used to be one of the driest characters. I’m still in the early-mid 1980s with Cyclops’ dating history too.

Wolverine Has Feelings for Jean Grey

Oh, Jean isn’t exempt from having too much soap opera baggage. Wolverine had a thing for Jean Grey for years and it created this odd rivalry between him and Cyclops. Scottie had two women with the same DNA and he’s going back and forth with Wolverine over the authentic one’s affections.

I mean, yeah Wolverine was somewhat aggressive about it and it was what Jean desired from Scott but this was just a big mess. At least it didn’t impact the X-Men and mission too much. It’s not as if the X-Men would be shaken to the core because Cyclops can’t keep his romantic life in check.

Emma Frost Steals Cyclops from Jean Grey

Wow, I stand corrected. However, in Marvel’s defense, the X-Men books were always the heaviest when it came to soap opera-like drama. It’s just that it’s so much of it. Emma Frost was going to snatch Cyclops anyway. I mean yeah, Jean is extremely powerful but she couldn’t stop Emma from putting it on him mentally?

The reason for that is that Jean had a thing about not reading Scott’s mind. It’s an invasion of privacy. In the real world, if a woman is going to look through your phone she’s looking through the damn phone. Having a screen lock just makes you look more guilty even if they’re sneaking to go through it.

Jean had the courtesy to mind her own business but Emma took advantage of that and stole her man. It happens.

Batman’s Life Is A Mess

Alright, this guy loses his parents, doesn’t get therapy or the best therapy his billions could buy, and goes to train in martial arts and detective work. Then—instead of investing his money into making Gotham better so that people wouldn’t be so inclined to pursue crime (because that’s a snoozefest of a comic)—he invests his funds into his crime fighting career.

Along the way, he runs into a fine heroines and villainesses and gets involved with a few. Bruce Bruce ends up getting left at the altar by Catwoman and has a son by the daughter of one of his rogues. All of this happens while he’s still brooding and beating the hell out of street criminals and his regular villains.

Catwoman left him during before the wedding and basically told him “If we get married I’ll make you happy and a happy Batman is a bad Batman.” She told this man he had to stay miserable and depressed to effectively do his job.

I mean, it’s true but damn that’s kind of cold, isn’t it?  Batman doesn’t deserve happiness? I don’t think Dr. Hugo Strange would even come to that conclusion. Someone cue Michael McDonald’s “I Keep Forgettin’” for my man Bruce.

Spawn Returned to Earth From Hell For His Wife…Who Married His Best Friend

I was going to put Spider-Man’s messy love life here but I figured I’ve stayed on Marvel’s case too long with just the X-Men. I went into the death of Al Simmons and how he became the chosen hellspawn of Malebolgia. He took up the demon’s offer and powers to lead his army of Hell as Spawn if he could return to Earth and see his wife.

Now the agreement was a monkey paw thing. Yeah, he could return back to Earth but he would be in no state to see meet his wife face-to-face as his body was burned by his CIA allies. On top of that, a couple of years had passed since his death and Wanda Simmons was now married to Terry Fitgerald, Al’s best friend and former CIA co-worker.

As you can expect, this made our boy Spawn feel some kind of way. Everything he ends up doing is a means to keep Wanda, Terry, and their daughter Cyan safe knowing that Terry gave Wanda the child Al couldn’t give her and that they would never be together again on Earth.

Can we cue “Careless Whisper” for Al Simmons, please?

Staff Writer; M. Swift

This talented writer is also a podcast host, and comic book fan who loves all things old school. One may also find him on Twitter at; metalswift.

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